They say its your birthday!!!!

Happy 26th Birthday to Me. Happy Birthday to Me.

Wow. The past few days have been a whirl wind ride. Someone came back into my life to declare their love for me. Except it is too late. I agreed to listen to him and went for dinner, to find out he is now living with someone but would end it because he made a mistake and i am what he wants and loves etc. etc. etc. Turns out as he was trying to end things that she is pregnant. Baby drama. Not for me.

Two years I can finally end. Finally be free. Time for me to be me and work on myself.

I am going for a sleep study soon. As I sleep a lot. Hopefully my doctor finds out something.

Next month I go visit my sister. That will be good and deserved.

Time to change. Time to let go of the past for once and for all. Time to move forward and look towards the light.

October Here We Are

October is here. Soon it will be my birthday.
I expected myself to be in a relationship or even dare I say married by now. No man on the horizon. No potential mate knocking on my condo or car doors. No going to Brazil for a while.

Things are done, finished, completeo with A. I was the other woman all along - whom he probably cheated with and he also cheated on me. Two years, to never be returned again. Lost.

Violated. Sad. Angry. Mad. Upset.

Thanksgiving will be here and then my birthday. Will celebrate both alone. Parents will be visiting my sister. Have no one else but Miss Ethel to celebrate with. Too bad I can't take Miss Ethel out for dinner and cake.

Loneliness. Is it better to be successful and lonely and die alone or be happy and with someone?

Loneliness has been around for so many years, over a decade that I have forgotten what the opposite of the word is or even means.

I wish I knew what love is.